PixyMom

I tend to eat when I’m down. I tend to stop doing all my usual stuff when I’m down. A few months ago my GRandma passed away, it took a bit to get back to “normal” when I say normal I mean getting myself to live life, however I think about her everyday. Last week… my Uncle passed away and yes he was from the same side of my the family. My Mom is going through a lot now… lost her Mom and brother. I have a big family, lots of Uncles but a lot of them live far away. He lived only a bit away and came by a lot to visit. It’s hard to get passed the fact that he won’t be dropping by anymore. He had cancer, it was somewhat expected and actually we all know my Grandma wasn’t trying to fight dying just because she wanted to go before him. I couldn’t even go to his funeral. We have no money for a hotel (its 3 hours away) it’s a 3 day event and the baby freaks out when we stay away. Which I’d deal with except what with no money we’d stay at an aunts house and keep everyone up. My Mom is there right now, today is day two, the Church Service, yesterday was the viewing and tomorrow the burial.

My hubby and I got into a huge fight the day before my Mom left (the day my Uncle died) which was great you know, I was a tad emotional and the hubbs isn’t quite sensitive. He’s being better now. I did sneak a calzone in there, but in the middle of talking things out with the hubbs I puked it up. I think my body was used to no carbs… add the fact that I was crazy upset and out it goes. I didn’t gain weight from it. I went right back to the diet after that. One of the many reasons we fought was because we had no money in our account, I asked my husband not to use his card and he said ok then proceeded to buy two packs of cigarettes in two days. We overdrafted and being that we hardly have enough to get by the money taken out of our weekly check was a big deal. Once again I can’t join the gym this week due to lack of funds, I hope my husband enjoys his $100 cigarettes. He’s like a child.

I got a puppy when I was a lot younger. I took care of her well but she didn’t leanr how to go to the potty outside. My Dad thinks Dogs should only live outside and through her in the backyard only a few months after I got her. Years later she was dirty and covered in fleas. She was sweet to us but tried to bite someone every now and then. I was always mad at my father for making her like that. She became wild and lived a horrible lonely life. Today she got out, the only person who she listens to is my Dad whos up with my Mom. We tried to get her inside and she chomped at my husband. She began growling at passers by and finally my Father told me to call animal services. They took her away and all I can think about is how scared she must be… or have been. I don’t know how fast they will put her to sleep. I had to cover my ears so I couldn’t hear her barking at the animal control guy. At least she won’t suffer anymore… but I hate the way she went, I hate to think about how scary it must be.

On a lighter note my sister-in-law had a baby girl (on the same day my uncle died). I think I’ve heard “One life lost another gained” like 50 times since. But she is beautiful, and tiny. I immediately got that maternal I want another baby feeling. But in reality it wouldn’t be good… we are so so so poor right now. Someday though, I definatly want more kids. I grew up in a big family, I want my son too also. Anyway I don’t wanna be on here too long so I can’t update my food journal, but I wanted to update a bit. If you made it through this gynormous blog… thanks lol.